I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
