he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
