he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
