I wish you could order shots online.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
