He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Never underestimate the power of titties
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