how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
