FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
