Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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