i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
