he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
