Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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