he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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