No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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