So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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