god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
