What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
