Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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