I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
bring money and cleavage
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
