I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
