I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
