So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
