We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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