is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
