I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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