yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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