I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
