she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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