The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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