Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
