nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
