I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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