i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
