I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
