so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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