I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
