U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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