If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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