i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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