You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
