You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
