I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
