I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
