Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
