I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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