belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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