my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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