I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
