I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i think my cat just said my name.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
