the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
