True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
