If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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