Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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