R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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