I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
