Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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