And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
