The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if only i could text you this smell
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
