it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
