I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
