I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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