Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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