Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
