I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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