also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
