I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
