i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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